A Future Without Fear: More Commitments
by knownbeforetime
Summary: Please RR! Sort of a spin off of forgotten commitments. PLEASE pay close attention to the WARNING INSIDE! 1st chapter, Cassie hits rock bottom. The other Animorphs will hit that in later chapters. Very depressing, very angsty. Please RR!
1. Default Chapter

**More Commitments**

**WARNING WARNING WARNING:  This should be rated R.  I put it as PG-13 because I found out that R stories don't show up unless you ask it to.  I don't write these stories to just sit and get dusty on people's hard drives.  I spent all yesterday wondering why my story wouldn't show up on the site.  Now, I just feel stupid.**

A/N: I think there are two curse words in the whole thing. At first, it is very depressing. (Okay, maybe the first few chapters.J) I have a feeling this is going to be really, really long. I still have three more Animorphs to go through. This will tie in with Forgotten Commitments but it is NOT another chapter. I am going to use this story to finish the other. Is that against the rules? I hope not…

Disclaimer of a different sort: As some of you may know, I refuse to read the last four books. Homicide is not one of my hobbies... (That means you, K.A.)

** Cassie**

I was twenty-five. I was living in what looked like a tenement building from the first of the twentieth century. I guess things were going downhill in the early twenty-first. I had a bedroom and a microwave. The world was in chaos. The Animorphs helped create it. After Rachel's death, we went public. It didn't last long. We soon found our home town destroyed and nearly everyone killed or infested. It didn't take long for the media to get over us. Every once and a while, we would hear of military action on the invaders.

This is what had happened to me. One day, out of some telepathic whimsical message, we slowly morphed into our bird forms and snuck away. Even Tobias left, leaving his mom with her amnesia. We left our parents, Rachel's family, and the newly recruited Animorphs. We left the Hork-Bajir and our families to their own devices. Our survival couldn't depend on them. We decided we couldn't look after them and ourselves. If you think about it, I was the only one with a family. Jake's family never made it to the valley. Rachel left her family behind. Marco's Dad fell into a deep depression from the fact that his first love had been tortured for three years but was alive and he didn't do anything about it. Loren couldn't see herself as a mother. She couldn't remember giving birth to a son or the father that conceived him. Tobias never got through to her and finally gave up.

We relocated to New York City. Soon, we were doing missions again. We found a chapter of the Sharing in some old, run-down neighborhood. We tried not to kill people but it was inevitable. We gave up trying to be innocent. We burned down buildings with people inside. We put a small bomb in a yeerk pool. I also remember destroying a subway station that was leading people to infestation. Our meetings took place in an abandoned building. We kind of lived there too. We stole blankets and clothes from various places. Marco told me he once took a blanket off a baby's car seat as the mother was putting it in the car. One horrifying day, Jake came in with the most evil grin. He was only eighteen at the time, but there were gray hairs appearing. Anyway, he proceeded to tell me how, in falcon form, he broke through the window of a convenience store and blinded the clerk. He stole maybe a hundred dollars.

Our state of mind was at the breaking point. Even more so was Tobias, who was slowly going insane. In his bird form, he was aging pretty fast. He couldn't fly for more than five minutes. He was always asking one of us to get mice for him. When he morphed to human, he was still fourteen/fifteenish. However, we were quickly nearing our twenties. His face didn't age. It retained a youthful look, like he had never experienced war. The only thing you could see was his eyes. They had turned aquamarine and they were elliptical like a cat's eye. As a human, he was telepathic, more so than anyone. I think he could look into our minds and see what we were thinking. Several times, I was alone with him and talking with him and within minutes I would get a headache. I once saw Jake and him talking. Jake suddenly collapsed and was scratching all over his body. He was screaming about the yeerk that had once infested him. He was shouting, "Get me out of the pool! It's crawling in my ear!" I screamed at Tobias and Jake stopped convulsing. Jake didn't remember a thing. 

I guess being part Andalite (with their telepathic abilities) and part human (with our frail psyches) and part hawk (with its pure instinctual predator mind), Tobias couldn't identify with any one species. Some days, he would be more Andalite, and couldn't do simple things like speaking without stuttering. Sometimes, he was more human. He would talk with you for hours. He once told me he had kissed Rachel. Then, the most frightening thing was when he was in the hawk mindset. That was when he unleashed his mental powers. Like a hawk goes after mice, he would go after one of us. That's what happened to Jake that one time. Tobias started walking over to him. Jake said, "Hi," and that was it. He also told me on his good days that Rachel always begged him to become human and he couldn't do it. Losing her was obviously the biggest blow to his psyche.

It was our first and only yeerk pool mission where our lives really went downhill. There were four entrances to the yeerk pool. There were two from Madison Square Garden, one from the Empire State Building, and one from the World Trade Center. Jake and I went to the WTC. Tobias and Marco went to the Madison Square Garden. Ax was assigned to the Empire State Building. We each had a bomb. We were going to set a bomb off at the base of each entrance. The bombs were like the ones in the movies with a timer. We would stick to our bird morphs. We had an hour and a half. The first half hour was Ax's job. He would go to the power station and shut off power to that part of the city, thereby turning off the bio-filters. We had approximately a ten-minute window before back-up generators came on-line. I didn't know how Ax was going to get in before the bio-filters came on-line, but Jake Okayed the idea.

Jake was also deteriorating. He stilled loved me, but in a very formal way. He felt he had to love me. It was like it was set in stone and he was a slave to its words. I didn't know how to tell him this. I didn't know how to tell him that we could get along without each other. Any real love between us was shattered back in the valley. We kissed occasionally. Sometimes we even had sex. Sometimes I thought that if I allowed him access to my body he would love me again. 

Even though I had the presence of my friends, I was utterly alone. I didn't think about my parents. They were dead as far as I was concerned. I had no family. I was nameless and faceless in the big city. If I were to go away or die, nobody would care. During missions, I stopped responding to the moral crises that flooded my mind. I sat awake at night wondering where the rules of ethics and morality came from. I had learned in school that we were descended from apes. Apes aren't like us mentally. They are just like any other animal. They kill for food. They kill each other. They kill for stupid things too, like territory or females. How did the human race go from killing to sharing? Even today, people kill each other over territory and lovers.

So, who cares if I kill a few people? The cops don't care who it is I kill. What about stealing? Thousands of years ago, all these resources were all out in the open ready to take as one pleases. Why is it wrong to take them now? Oh, here's a good one: victimless crimes. Why can't I get an assisted suicide, ruin my mind and body with drugs, or prostitute myself for some extra cash. I knew these things were wrong, but _why_ were these things wrong?

Enough about me, maybe I should move on to Marco. He had exchanged his endless wisecracks for endless strings of curse words. They used to sting my ears. However, as time moved on, I would be using the same endless strings. I remember that in the beginning he used to sing silly songs. Jake told me about an e-mail Marco sent him. He was pretending to be me and he said something to the effect of, "I want you! Baby, oh, baby!" I remember the long hair he had a long time ago that added to his humorous look. He also had a big grin on his face all the time. He was always hitting on girls to no avail. Now, he stole cash from various places and hired hookers. I once tried to tell him about the dangers of sex with strangers but he screamed at me saying, "If you can sleep with a bastard like Jake, then I think I am entitled to a few whores!" We never spoke again.

Now for the mission that really sent us spinning. We would stay in our bird forms, and wait for the power outage. We waited for forty minutes. Angrily, we flew toward our spot. We found the hole and entered. Nobody was in our way. Jake was spitting out curse words, wishing it was a machine gun. I was flying along and noticed that Jake wasn't there. I turned around and noticed the bomb teetering down the steps to the pool. Jake had diverted from the plan.

I couldn't see him anywhere. I figured he had run so I turned around and exited. I was halfway down when I had to turn around. I finally got to the exit and got through to the outside world. I still didn't see any sign of Jake. However, I saw something even more horrifying. I looked and saw an airplane. It was extremely close to the ground. It didn't take long to hear a crash or to see the shards of glass snowing down on me. I struggled through the mess and found a place to demorph. When I got my human eyes back I looked up. I was maybe five blocks away and all I could see was a cloud of dust. The WTC was falling down. . .

A/N I said it that this is the mission that sent them spinning. What did I mean? You will have to wait until the next chapter…….


	2. Chapter 2

**More Commitments:  Chapter 2**

To say the least, I ran.  I ran and ran.  It seemed as if that was all I knew and had been born for.  I was calling out Jake's name.  My mouth was like a cannon.  I was just shooting out, "Jake, Jake, Jake!"  Tears were running down my face.  Half the tears were from dust stinging my eyes, and the other half was from fear.  My worst fears were being realized.    My worst fear was being utterly, finally alone.  You see, the other Animorphs and I never talked anymore.  Sure, there were attempts at conversation, but we knew what each other had done.  We couldn't look at each other without going through a list of atrocities.  Jake looked at me and he saw what I had done with the morphing cube, the single biggest mistake of the war.  However, I at least had the audience of living, breathing minds.  I remember going out and doing normal things with the others.  We made a point of doing that.  However, at this time, there was no point to be made.  We couldn't come up with a sufficient argument for doing normal things.  We were not normal.  Now, I was out in the cold, harsh city and nobody knew nor cared where I was.  

Ever since the single, biggest mistake, Jake's emotions have been shallow and casual.  He was too ready to display happiness, or sadness.  The way he would show that he wanted to sleep with me was grabbing my hand and dragging me to the bedroom.  Well, it wasn't a bedroom.  It was a room with some blankets tossed around.  Then, he would go through a big, long "I've missed you, I love you" routine.  It was exactly the same every time.  One minute, deep sullenness, then the next minute was happiness with a goofy, glazed over look.  He would pretend he was in love and in a fairy tale.  He would pretend that everything was okay.  He has to know that I can see right through that.  However, he was willing to protect me, or so I thought, so why not please him.  Protection was hard to find in this Hell on Earth.

Right now, however, I was not being protected.  After what seemed like an eternity of running, Jake was still nowhere to be seen.  I was still crying out for him, even though it was only a whisper.  I stopped, realizing that there was no more dust or very little dust.  I didn't know where I was.  I moved over to an alleyway, and slowly morphed to my bird form.  I flew around for about an hour before finding my "home".  I figured everybody would congregate there.  I wanted to think that they would be worried about me, but that was pushing the limits of wishful thinking.  I was reaching the building pretty fast.  I found an open window and dashed in.

I was shocked at what I saw.  Jake was laying there in our tossed around blankets.  He wasn't worried.  He was sitting there giggling.  He was giggling like a middle-schooler when one hears the word "sex".  He saw me fly in and start laughing hysterically.

"Hey, wittle birdie!  What's your name?"

Jake, what wrong?

He started convulsing with laughter.  He rolled over and got up.

"Hey, Jake.  That's my name too.  I never heard of the last name though.  But it's funny as hell!"  Suddenly, he left the room.  

I morphed to my human form.  More tears.  What was Jake doing?  He never acted like this.  His demeanor was more fake than ever.  I was speechless.  I should go after him but I didn't know what good I could do.  I went over to throw myself on the blankets.  When I landed I noticed a lump in the mess.  I rolled over, and moved the blankets.  The lump was a Ziploc bag.  It had a white powder in it.  I knew it wasn't sugar.

I looked around the room.  I don't know why, maybe for a miracle.  I didn't find one.  I did find a metal lid.  It was sitting in a corner of the room.  There was a hole there.  I guess that is where he hid it.  This metal lid had line of the powder going across it.  By it, there was a small straw looking thing.  I ran out of the room to find Jake.  He was a few doors down twirling about.

He was literally twirling.  Spinning.  Making himself dizzy.

"Oh, hey, Cassie!  How are you?  Nice to see you made it.  Come with me."  He grabbed my hand.  He led me back to the bedroom.  That can only mean one thing.

"Jake.  Wait a minute!"  He had started kissing me.  I could feel the standard bulge in his pants.

"Oh, Cassie.  I'm so glad you made it back because I've always wanted to try it high."

"Jake!  What's wrong with you?  I nearly died.  Something happened at the WTC, just as I was coming out.  I couldn't find you anywhere.  I was scared that you were dead.  Then, I come here and find you out of your ever-loving mind."  

"Oh.  I'm sorry.  I just dropped the bomb.  I figured, what the hell did it matter if went off here or there."

"Yeah, I noticed.  However, you didn't tell me you did it!  I barely got out alive.  I found my way here and I find cocaine under a blanket and utensils in a hole in the wall.  Where did you get the money to buy all that stuff?  Why would think of doing such a stupid thing?"

"What are you saying, Cassie?  Cocaine is wrong?  Well, I don't know, if feels alright to me.  Where do you get off saying this is wrong and this isn't?  I'm sick and tired of it, Cassie.  I could care less if whatever is right or wrong.  Who made these rules, Cassie?  As far as I know, other people made those rules.  People with absolutely no authority in my life!  It's like a three-year-old telling another three-year-old not to touch the hot stove!"

He had obviously rehearsed this.  There is no way a person in his state could think like that.  It was sad, though, because he was right.  I had no authority to tell any of my friends what was morally acceptable.

"You want to know how I got it?"  He asked.  I just looked at him.

"I take out the drug dealers.  I morph falcon and dive bomb them."

"Jake?  NO!"

Right then, Jake did something he had never done to me before.  He slapped me.  He backhanded me across the face.  I was on the ground in no time.  He gave a little grunt and went on his own way.

I gathered myself and moved over to the blankets.  I rested the normal side of my face on the blankets and cried.  I cried for hours, it seemed like.  I cried because of the pain, the betrayal, the uncertainty of the future.  I cried because my fear had come true.  I was _alone_.

I woke up from a sleepless slumber.  I looked around and figured it was about six o'clock in the evening.  I just now realized that I hadn't seen the others all day.  I began to get worried.  The mission was not the easiest one.  Maybe one of the others did the same thing Jake did.  Maybe one of them committed suicide.  They were dead.  I had to face it.  Maybe the bombs had gone off early.  Or the bio-filters came on-line unexpectedly.

Jake came in a half-hour later.  He had some bottles of Coke and twenty chicken nuggets from McDonald's.  He sat down next to where I was lying.  I was faking sleep.  I was afraid he was still angry.  He gently moved the hair out of my face, and put his hand on my cheek.  I winced a little.

"Cassie?  Are you awake?  I'm sorry about earlier.  I was high out of my mind."

I stirred.  I made it appear as if I had just woken up.

"Jake, have you seen the others?"

A/N:  More angst, more drama.  I didn't know it was so easy to write.  This is going to be really, really long.  *sits and cries*


End file.
